jan 16th - 25th

My Mental Vacation:
Started out siging my self in for a 72 hr hold cause I knew that I needed help cause sitting around wasn't getting it done. That afternoon I had Bekah take me up to the er, thought that I would have company till they got me up on a floor but yeah that didn't happen, I walked past her and she just sat there knowing how bad I was shaking already . But I was taken back and got sat at the corner of the nurses desk (feeling like I had a dunce cap on me) what felt like hours till I spoke to some counselor on video chat and about 30 min later I was being Greeted with an officer and was being read my rights .. well a nurse came over and interrupted and was telling about hospital choices cause they didn't have a psyc ward at that hospital and I was getting frustrated and my anxiety was getting to me and after 4 big kids and 2 strokes I can't hold my bladder well. Just then the cop had asked if he could finish readding me my rights and I said no, gotta go and pointed at the door right behind him and started walking that way... I'm sorry I thought that I was clear that I had to go to the bathroom but no this dick took it as I was trying to get away from this when all I had to do was take a leak. But I got slammed to thr floor buy the cop and had 4 nurses on me quicker than I could blink and like I said I had to pee so they finally figured that out and cuffed me because I tried to go to the bathroom.  Then I was giving a medication that I had asked not to be given cause I have adverse reactions to it and they gave it to me anyway. Stayed there 2 nights and then was shipped to St Vincent's in Little Rock and did a few days of in patient therapy which I took very seriously and came home on the right foot till that shit all fell apart again. I know what I did hurt people but the isolation that I'm feeling even in the room with people in it. I don't even feel or am treated like I even belong in the house at all so I slept in the garage cause thats the only place that I feel welcome at this point . 

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