whoops I did it again...

Jan 15th 2024 that's the night I had my 3rd attempt and what made my world crash down around me. It was 7 days with maybe 6 hrs of sleep total and I had not eaten much of anything in a few days, and thats the day that Bekah went off on me about how angry I was all the time (as if I didn't know, I have been trying for months now to get drs and shit all lined up but every time I'm ready I can't get the help I've asked for because of either a late night or someone sleeping the day away and I know I don't like being bothered when I'm sleeping so I just let things go, but it got to that point that things just hit me all at once and my stupid thi king was that I needed to sleep and not be that angry person that anyone had to deal with anymore. So I took a bunch of Tylenol pm, melatonin and Ativan to force that to happen. Obviously since I'm writing this that attempt failed ... only got 3 hrs of sleep. Something snapped in me that night because I knew that Bekah was right and as many times as I've tried I've never been able to control that in me and a texted my kids left a note saying that I'm sorry that I'm to broken to fix and swallowed what I grabbed and prayed that I would just quit breathing . 

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