it's that time of year again...

It's that time of year again, Mom. That day... the day everything in my world shattered.... it's creeping up again, and no matter how much time passes, it never gets easier. It's been 37 years since you left, and yet the pain is still as sharp as it was when I was 9. You were my whole world, and when you left, a part of me died with you.

I’ve been walking through life like a ghost, just a shell of who I used to be. You took my light, my laughter, my sense of safety. The little girl I was disappeared that day, and I’ve spent all these years trying to make sense of it, trying to pick up pieces that never quite fit back together.

There are so many things I wish I could have said to you. So many hugs I never got to give. I’ve needed you more times than I can count. Through every heartbreak, every dark night, every quiet moment when all I wanted was a mother’s love—you weren’t there. And that absence has been louder than anything else in my life.

I forgive you, Mom… but I will never stop missing you. You were supposed to be my forever.